It's been so long since I have last posted, but as 2016 comes to an end I've felt this subject heavy on my heart. This morning I woke up feeling overwhelmed and ridiculed by multiple areas in my life. As I staggered around sleepy and still in a daze, I thought about how I absolutely didn't want to go to work and how my nice warm bed was calling to me..."Brittany, come back" [Is it bad that I can hear it now?]. As I began to get dressed, thoughts flooded my brain regarding how 2016 was at it's end. As I reminisced, I was overwhelmed by how difficult 2016 has been and how in the last 7 months, Satan has attacked relentlessly.
In the mornings, I usually love my drives to work because it gives me the perfect amount of time to ponder, pray and praise. [you see what I did there? Those three P's have Purpose.] As I started to work, I was having trouble with the pray and praise portion, so I stuck with pondering. The words "why did I have to struggle so much" echoed in my head. I, finally, was able to ask it aloud and a thought popped into my head, almost instantly. "Because you're loved" is all I could think.
Instantly, I felt the warm sun on my face through the windshield and my feelings of anger, disappointment, not being good enough, resentment, sadness, hurt and instability from the year diminish. As the feelings began to diminish, I began to express how I felt about my struggles. I was open and vulnerable to God with every emotion and thought that was going on inside me. As I was driving and taking in the beauty of the trees [SN: my favorite time to look at the trees is winter time because they can be seen for what they are "trees" not a trunk with leaves.] I thought about how vulnerable the limbs and branches are without their leaves to cover them up, but how beautiful the tree is regardless. This made me think about how beautiful God thinks we are when we come to him empty and vulnerable. God sees everything, but he doesn't just want to see it. God wants us to express it. He wants us to tell him and talk to him about every struggle and every issue that we have.
We are emotional beings. Our thoughts and feelings sometimes are driven by the flesh, but the wonderful thing is that God is so great that not only can he handle your feelings and emotions, but he can transform them into something beautiful. He understands that we are not always going to have warm fuzzy feelings. Because we are human, He automatically knows that we are going to question and doubt, simply because we don't have all of the answers. To Him, that is okay. Some of God's best friends in the bible doubted and questioned. Just to name a few: David, Job, Moses and Abraham.
As I continued to watched the bare naked trees fly by as I drove, mind you, I drive like a grandma, so they weren't going by too terribly fast, James 1:2 came to mind. Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles of any kind come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. Several services ago, my Pastor said, "with struggle comes growth". Without the struggles, we'd be weak and stagnant. As I looked back on my struggles from throughout the year I realized BECAUSE of those struggles, I am standing in sweet freedom and everlasting victory. I am to "be strong and immovable." and full of faith. [1 Corinthians 15:58]
Regardless of the circumstance, God has been there relentlessly working and waiting, providing and comforting, giving and apparent. One thing has stood true throughout 2016, "if I look for Him wholehearted, I find Him". (Jeremiah 29:13) I look at the struggles and think about how far I've come and how my relationship with God and others has flourished. For these things I am thankful.
God has transformed the old prideful Brittany Nicole Akridge, social worker who thought she had everything together into a Daughter of a Heavenly King, who is broken and vulnerable, but is loved. This girl that struggles and doesn't have it together is loved by the same person who created the ocean and the milky way. This new girl that is vulnerable and honest in her struggles is "fearfully and wonderfully made". (Psalm 139:14)
So 2016, I am thankful for you because through my struggles I have grown. God has shown me His unfailing and relentless love and grace through it all. I am blessed and thankful beyond measure.
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