The depths of despair and fitness.

Well hello readers, it has most definitely been a while,

As many of you know, I  have moved and I am currently interning at the VA hospital in Tuskegee. This has been a trying, depressing and extremely difficult transition for me. I am quite the social butterfly and being social is just a part of who I am.  Moving, not knowing anyone, having to learn where everything is, starting something new, not really speaking or seeing those closest to me has been trying. I have felt sadness, anxiety, depression, anger, and overall what I imagine is the closest thing to the depths of despair (Anne of Green Gables reference). In the past few weeks, I have cried probably 5 times, which is an exceedingly high amount for me, due to the fact that I am NOT a crier. I joined a gym, joined some groups and have tried attending several different churches in hopes of meeting new people and better being able to enjoy my experience here. Not until this week did I realize that I am wasting my life being sad and TRYING to do things my way. 

Since I've been here, I've met a few people and did some sociable things, but nothing really clicked. I would go to the gym and work out my frustrations, but I consistently left feeling sad. I've attended different churches and groups in hopes of finding joy, but each time I left feeling empty. Until this week, when I officially heard what God has been wanting me to hear and know all the time. He wants me to know that as much as I love people He loves me. God doesn't ONLY want me to be physically fit, he wants me to be SPIRITUALLY fit, too. I've been praying about my current situation and all I had gotten were the words "patience" and "content". I had no idea what "content" was referring to until this week.  God wants me to be content with my life (with just He and I). So often we plan things out and have a preconceived idea of how things should be. Because I had an idea of how I  think things SHOULD be, I end up with anxiety and sadness. If, in fact, I would just be more trusting of God, sadness and anxiety would've been much less.

With that being said, I am beginning to work on being more spiritually fit. Being spiritually fit means clinging to Jesus in both good and bad time. He is our Rock, Redeemer, Strong Tower and the One who will holds us together. He is The One who will provide me with WHO I need exactly WHEN I need them. I realized that I may be the only Bible someone ever reads, and how I was currently living and the character I was currently showing was certainly not showing a healthy spiritual fitness. When people are broken, Light should shine more abundantly through them, but light wasn't showing through me.

After leaving church and the gym this week, I have felt complete. I have felt strong and fit and I praise God for that. I am currently content and waiting on the Lord to bring the RIGHT people into my life. And in fact, I had dinner last night with a friend and have plans throughout the weekend with several different people. So I must say....God is good.

"For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come"  -1 Timothy 4:8